Mommas, I know it’s hard after a long day of latched onto, yelled at, and followed around to think about how you can be a better wife. You just want some freakin’ alone time, #amiright?
I know the feeling well. I spent something like 10,000 hours breastfeeding yesterday. At the end of the day, it was like OMG if one more person touches me I think I’ll die. Deep down though I know that these days will end. The children will grow up, and I’ll no longer even be cool.
Hell, I’ll no longer even know the answers to simple questions when they reach about age 8, right? So let’s remember that there is one person in our life who will be there for us when the kids are so over it. That person is our spouse. How can we be a better wife and build a better marriage during these times of struggle?
First, I want you to write down a few things you truly love about your spouse. You can refer to this list anytime you feel like you are getting a raw deal. You can refer to this list anytime you think he’s not doing enough to help you survive the struggle.
Second, I want you to remind yourself why you’re awesome. There are going to be so many days when you feel like a failure at life. You’ll feel like you’ve slighted your children in some small way, or you’ll feel like the worst wife ever because all you want is to be alone the minute he walks through the door. I want you to know that this is all normal, but I want you to have a reference for how awesome you are so that you’ll get out of that thought process sooner rather than later.
Now, let’s get to how to build a stronger marriage after baby.
- Communicate your self-care needs and live by what you declare them to be.
- Schedule it so you don’t forget it.
- Do not hold this time against yourself.
- Get out of the house for it sometimes.
- Set their bedtime and stick to it whenever possible. (It’s 7:30 in our house!)
- Learn their natural wake up time. (Plan your own bedtime accordingly)
- Learn his love language and use it!
- Allocate a certain amount of time nightly to spend together. (We watch about an hour of TV together!)
- Share a hobby. (We read side by side in bed)
- Go to bed at the same time whenever possible. (You’ll be surprised at how this intimacy feels!)
- DON’T keep score. Parenting is not 50/50 and neither is your marriage.
The truth is that marriage is harder, and it can be even harder after children. You already knew that marriage took work though. You knew that as well as you knew anything about being married. You were aware that somedays you won’t like yourself or your spouse. That’s just part of life. The fact is that your marriage can become stronger once you have kids if you stand as a united front and love each other to the best of your ability. The best way to do that is to focus on your needs, his needs, and the needs of your family. You’ve got this momma! You’re building a stronger marriage just by working for it.
How do you spend special time with your spouse? Share in the comments below!