April is C-section awareness month. Do we need an entire month dedicated to C-section awareness? Yes, we do. I say that because I lived a postpartum c-section nightmare. I lived in fear of being judged. I lived in anger. That anger was directed at my body and at women who were able to have the birth I dreamed of every day of my pregnancy. I held how I felt against women who I felt weren’t as committed during their pregnancy as I had been. I’m not talking about women who were trying their best. I felt angry that I could see women who were drunk or drugged up their entire pregnancy but yet still had a natural birth. I felt bad for their babies, and I felt angry that they got to experience something that was so important to me. I dreamed of natural childbirth. I was convinced that it was best. I think that’s the biggest reason we need c-section awareness month. I feel like people have preconceived notions about why people have a c-section. For now, I want to tell you about my postpartum nightmare.
I know that you are on Facebook. Honestly, I feel like the majority of us are on Facebook because a huge chunk of the world is on Facebook. I have no shame in the time I spend there. I am able to keep up with old friends and meet new friends. I am able to network for my business. Those are all the most amazing parts of the Facebook community, but there is a part of the Facebook community that will make you seethe with anger and resentment. You log in and you see their hate speak and it makes you want to vomit. I was maybe 6 weeks postpartum when I saw a post that would make any c-section momma feel like crap.
I’m sure you’re cringing as well. I’m sure many women who gave birth to their babies naturally are cringing for us. When I saw this photo, my mom had left. My husband was back to work. I was lucky, though, because he worked from home. I still had a lot of support. I wanted to cry as I read this. I wanted to scream. Mostly, I wanted to just throw something and explain how it was definitely not easy. I was still in pain. I was still suffering from random bouts of swelling. I was under constant reminders that I’d had major abdominal surgery. How was that easy? What about that experience made me less?
I’m here to tell you that none of the experience made me less, and it wasn’t easy. I spent 40 weeks planning for a natural birth. I spent 40 weeks doing everything possible to make that dream a reality. I spent hundreds of dollars for herbs, oils, and acupuncture. I walked thousands of steps per day. I bounced on every yoga ball. I ate all the eggplant parm. Seriously, I had tried every trick in the book. I wanted it more than you could imagine. Who had the right to judge me just because it didn’t work out? The truth is that no one had that right. No one had the right to make me feel like less for scheduling a c-section at 41 weeks pregnant.
Pretty momma, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that it’s okay. It’s okay to do whatever is best for you. It’s okay to have a baby in whatever way provides you with a healthy baby and healthy momma. That’s the ultimate goal, right? If you’re feeling bad about your birth, I want you to know that it’s totally normal. We all get thrown for a loop when things don’t work out the way we planned. I want you to take a minute though to realize that no one on the internet can tell you that you’re not the best momma for your baby. You are in fact the perfect momma for your baby. Your baby is perfect for you. Your birth was your journey to get to this perfect relationship. I want you to snuggle up with your baby and let yourself feel your own forgiveness.
How did you feel after your birth? Was there something that held you back from really enjoying your early postpartum weeks?
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