I think it’s important for us to discuss our parenting journey. I think it helps us to not feel alone in our struggles. I think it not only helps to see someone else who is having similar struggles to you, but I think it also helps to see others solutions. The truth is that it does take a village to raise a child even if you believe it doesn’t. If we could do it all on our own, we wouldn’t have all these support positions built into our lives. There is nothing wrong with needing help either. I believe it is important to realize we don’t have all the answers. Mostly though this post came out of reading this article earlier today which I soon followed up with this one, and I got to thinking. I got to thinking about what it means to be a stay-at-home mom and what it means to struggle with that identity. I hope you’ll share your ideas with me as well.
Let me first start with what that doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean that I don’t need help. It doesn’t mean that my husband gets a free pass in the middle of the night. It doesn’t mean that I have to cook ALL the meals and do ALL the cleaning. I’m not Wonder Woman, and I gave up the idea of being a martyr to the mommy title a long time ago. I know that there are times when I need an extra hand for diaper changes or that there are days when I can’t get 5 minutes to myself much less prep dinner and get in the oven for our usual dinnertime. I know that sometimes I need an extra set of hands. 3:45am feedings aren’t something I should have to do alone. There have been many nights where I struggled to sleep and I really need my husband to do that feeding. It’s okay.
The truth is that as a stay-at-home mom I feel obligated to do many of those things, or at least I did at first. In the words of Elsa, I had to let it go. I could let myself be defeated by what I couldn’t do, or I could enjoy the amount I was able to do. I got 2 loads of laundry done yesterday, and it felt great. I didn’t get any done today, but I got to go to story time at the library with my little guy. That also felt great. The truth is that every day around here looks different. I can’t judge myself based on what I do or don’t get done. Yet, I do. We all do. I suffer from the need to feel productive. I suffer from the same pitfalls as everyone else, but I choose to not let those get me down. It’s a daily choice.
I know there are plenty of people out there who think that I should get more done. It’s something I see people shout on the regular, but you can’t let those people cause you to judge yourself unfairly. I do want to make my husband’s life easier every single day, because I know he works hard. He knows that I try my best to get the bulk of things done so that we can just enjoy our time together as a family eating and playing. That doesn’t mean though that he gets to be treated like the fun guy who finishes his day at the office with no responsibilities at home. He doesn’t. We have to stop acting like our husband’s are incompetent or babysitters. They aren’t.
I wouldn’t venture to tell someone who being a stay-at-home mom is for them. I can understand why someone might hate it. Hell there are days I don’t like it much. I think that’s normal. We all have struggles that we go through. Yes, I feel stressed over spending money on anything other than necessities for myself sometimes, but I craft and watch the budget. I try to buy things when they are on sale. I work hard to provide content for this blog that people want to read and to create new opportunities for myself. It’s all about balance.
There is no parenting the right way. You can’t decide what is right or wrong for someone else. You merely have to do what is best for you. Your happiness and well-being are important.
Are you a SAHM? Do you work outside of the home? I hope to hear from all of ya’ll about what struggles you experience. Together we can support each other and grow together.