I know that on Sundays I usually share a super sweet treat with you, but today I wanted to share another type of super sweet nugget. We all have relationships in our life whether they be familial, friendships, or the love of your life, and we can all continually learn how to make those relationships better. During our engagement process we have had to meet with a rabbi and a priest alike, and we have had to look into what will make our relationship work and what will need to be worked on in the future. I think that these things are important to all relationships. I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned throughout the process with you.
I have learned that often times two people don’t communicate or receive love in the same way. For us, Beeble prefers physical touch while I lean more toward what Gary Chapman refers to as acts of service. This means that in our relationship we both have to think about what the other person might need in a given moment. I realize that Beeble needs hugs, hand holding, and cuddling. He realizes that I need help with carrying things in from my car, with organizing my stuff, or managing our calendar. We both communicated with each other in this way before we fully understood each others needs, but it is nice to know them better as it makes us more equipped for the future.
I have learned the importance of budgeting to both of us, and we are continually learning how to manage that together. We both had a budget before, but we had to learn to consolidate that budget. We had to learn how to communicate things to each other in regards to money. I don’t get anything for saying this, but I think that Good Budget is a great tool for any household trying to merge finances. You can easily see where the money is going and re-evaluate each month. For us, it was important to learn how each of us used the tool, and we both thought of it very differently. It will take us a few more months to come to a conclusion on how best to set it up each month, but we have been able to work through that together.
I have learned how to deal with being a two religion household. We both believe that our religious background is important to us, and we have spent a lot of time discussing how to make it work. Our hope is to begin our life together learning about each others faiths so that we can in turn pass it down to any potential children we may have together. It is important to present an open discussion about religion and the general belief systems. We have agreed that if and when we have children they will be raised to understand the aspects of both religions and freely able to make a choice for themselves when the time comes.
I have learned to be more open about communication. It has been easier and easier to have conversations about hard topics as we grow together. That doesn’t mean that I am perfect at it yet, because I do sometimes take things to heart that aren’t really meant to be taken that way. I know that I am quick to blame myself for things versus realizing what the actual issue is, and I have been working on that throughout the process of growing together as a couple through our religious meetings and questionnaires.
I have learned that everything is a growing process. Rome was not built in a day and any relationship will take continual work. I realized that we would never reach perfection, but I also know that we are perfect for each other and that makes all the difference.