How to hide that you’re crazy or How to have a short lived superficial relationship.
So, last month I told you that I would give you some tips on how to hide how crazy you are for at least 3 months, and that is exactly what I’m going to do.
Back when I was in college I took a semester of sociology, and I had this teacher who had to wear one platform shoe, that’s totally irrelevant but I just wanted you to get a visual of this guy. Anyway, he said in class that the first 3 months of a relationship is the lying stage, and then you have a big fight, and then you either stay with the real person or you move the heck on.
So, I took that to heart and thought, well if the average person is lying for 3 months, then why not use that to your advantage and date people who probably don’t really want to date you anyway? So, after tons of research….ok, 4 short lived relationships, I’ve developed the crazy girls guide to dating a normal dude for 3 months.
1. Less is more
You know that fashion rule that says, when you leave the house, take one accessory off? Well that applies to texting too. If you want to keep the fact that you’re kind of insane under wraps , write your text, then delete it, and then write half of it. that will make you seem aloof wise, and dudes dig aloof wisdom.
2 Have a guy friend that you can use as a test run
Sometimes as a girl we think thoughts and say things that are totally insane. Example: “I had a dream that you were flirting with Big Bird on the beach at this karaoke disco thing and now I’m really mad at you!” Those things happen, and I totally get your valid feelings of anger towards dream boyfriend, but since this guy is new, you should probably ease him into your subconscious. Tell your guy friend, and if he’s like…um you’re insane, then don’t tell your new BF.
3. Dress for Success
Just because you want to dress like Carmen Sandiego doesn’t mean you can. This is where I have gone wrong so many times. I’m not necessarily a morning person, so it’s not out of the ordinary for me to wake up at 7am and think, “I’m going with a Maria Von Trapp meets the bus from The Magic School Bus” that seems logical at that hour, but by 10am, you’ll question your choices. So, just wear clothes that are normal, and then ease into the crazy with a funny hat or neat socks, they’ll learn to love it….trust me.
4. Look at me, I’m better than her!
If you think that you’re looking bad in the eyes of your significant other, just tell him a story about how totally crazy one of your girlfriends is. Like, oh hey baby, did you know that Lauren stole her boyfriends phone and put weird stuff on it so that she could catch him cheating and them make him buy her a new car? Isn’t that horrible, and manipulative, and bad? I’m not like that, I’m good. I’m a very good girlfriend.
5) Cling to It Until It’s Dead
Last but not least, if you find yourself losing him, and he’s not texting you back, send him a text that is a question with the promise of a surprise. Ex: “Hey, do you like pizza?” then leave it! He’s gonna ask all kinds of questions. Why does she want to know that? Is she buying me pizza? Does she have a pizza? Does she want a pizza? Does she think I had pizza with someone else? Does she want pizza with me? You got him intrigued, and that can last for at least 3 more weeks if you guys both have full time jobs. If not, you guys have too much time to think and he’ll probably dump you in a few weeks. So, in the end, I’m not saying that you should lie to people, but why not force people into giving you a chance? You’re pretty much building their karma, for them. They’re so lucky to know you.